I just put the finishing touches on a presentation that my non-profit partner and I are giving at the University of Dayton tomorrow. Still in awe that we’ve built something that seems so very simple and yet it’s considered worthy of sharing with education professionals – so excited and nervous and super humbled! Continue reading
I haven’t slept well all week. I’m usually in bed by 9 or so and asleep by 10; up between 4:30 and 5:30 and feeling rested (thank you new meds), but not this week. I’ve been tossing and turning so much that I’m having dreams about tossing and turning. My pain is up a bit after walking a 5K this past weekend but physical pain isn’t keeping me up. I don’t know how to describe what it is but I know what it isn’t. Continue reading
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Matthew 7:12) But what if I don’t like myself; feel shame and guilt; wish harm on myself; believe I deserve judgement and punishment? Jesus gave me the “thumbs up” to do all that to other people? Doesn’t sound very Jesus like.
It’s not. Continue reading
When I joined Facebook 10 years ago, I never dreamed it would lead to using social media platforms to share my story of mental illness, chronic pain, the varying and far-reaching levels of “ick that come from both and how Jesus is in the middle of all of it. I signed up and quickly learned it offered a way to perpetuate the lie that I was “fine” (my tribe knows it’s the code word for “not fine”) and also learned that I could spew my “ick” but not have to see the faces of people who read it; I saw the faces of My Fave and kids every day – my guilt was heavy enough, I didn’t need the guilt from other people, too. Continue reading
Like most mamas, I spend a large portion of my day in the car. And, since I have enough voices in my head fighting for space, I avoid the radio; self-selected podcasts, book on Audible or my Pandora “Thumbprint” station are my driving companions. My Fave’s a radio guy so when we’re in his car, I typically get some sort of reminder why radio bugs me. Continue reading
I’m aware I fall in the vast minority of people who love “Spring Forward”. Other than feeling like I am actually waking up at a “normal” time, it also signals for me that I have in fact survived another winter, Spring itself is within reach, March Madness is just days away and, most importantly, long walks on gorgeous golf courses watching our boys do what they love is close at hand. Yep, golf season is about to take over our lives and I. Can. Not. Wait. The Weather Channel finally showed the forecast for the first tourney of the season and, while I know a lot can happen in 13 days, I’ll take mostly sunny and low to mid-50s. Continue reading
Simon Sinek has made a whole career of asking people a one-word question: Why? His endgame is getting people to do the stuff that sets their soul on fire because who really wants to go through life having no idea what their “why” is or worse, knowing what it is but having no way to live it out. And then when you know your “why”, your ability to lead and be awesome increases exponentially. Continue reading
I found myself in a conversation last week, during which I made an attempt to drive home my belief that addiction is a disease. In doing so, I tried to use an example based on a real life situation of the person I was talking to and the moment the words came out of my mouth, I immediately wanted to crawl in a hole. I am pretty deliberate in making a conscious effort to speak good into people; to come from a place of empathy and compassion so when my words miss the mark and have potentially caused damage, it eats at my heart. In this case, my intention was good and my passion for the issue sincere, but my delivery missed the mark. After 4 days of it gnawing at me, I knew I had to reach out to this person, own my stuff, ask for forgiveness, hope for the best and accept that, to this person, it may be something unforgivable. Continue reading
It’s been “a week” – good, bad; high, low; joyful, sad; humbling, selfish; running, crawling; laughing, crying; winning, losing; words of wisdom, words of regret; thrilled to be alive, wishing I wasn’t; happy, angry; well-loved, forgotten. I’m tired and this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. I collapsed into a puddle on our bathroom floor this morning and the litany of “I can’t for one more moment” began to stack up around me. Just 24 hours before, my non-profit partner and I were talking about how full our hearts were because we’d been asked to support a family in one of our district schools that was struggling and we could say “Yes. Absolutely – this is exactly why we started our non-profit!”; yet there I was (and still sort of am) getting swallowed up by the darkness that I, on a daily basis, work to keep at bay.
Am I enough. Can I really do this? Continue reading
I love my boys. Seriously, they are my heart and soul but they are 14 and 15 (almost 16 – ugh!) and sometimes make me want to run screaming from the house. About 75% of the way into a 3 day weekend, I understand why Chely Wright wrote a song about a woman who went out for cigarettes and kept driving. Then I start wondering why it was that I quit smoking when it was a perfect escape for a mama who needs a reason to step away for a moment to herself. Continue reading