If you saw the title and thought this was going to be some “I am woman, hear me roar!” post, let me apologize now for disappointing you. Totally celebrating women in this one but in no way have I personally found that secret super power some women seem to have of “Just get out of my way and watch how it’s done”! Someday, maybe – not today. This one is a shout out to the ROCK STAR women I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by. Some are by choice but many, many are by chance – God really does give you the people you need. It’s funny to me that I feel strongly about the importance of women around me because I spent the vast majority of life avoiding “girl friends”; felt like an oxymoron if I’m being honest. I wanted to believe those kind of relationships were possible but I just couldn’t get there. I have some good idea of where that tendency comes from and will mean job security for my psychiatrist for years to come!
Nearly 28 years ago, an old boss hired me as an assistant manager in one of her new stores. I’d met her when I was 14 and selected as a member of “Teen Board” for a teeny-bopper store that would morph into something else when the ’90s rolled around. Anyway, the day she hired me, she also introduced me to who is now simply known “K” or “Bear”. The moment we met, we clicked. Could not have been more different but it didn’t really matter – 2 or so hours later we cemented the longest friendship (beyond my God-given gift of a biological sister) I have ever had in my life. We became roommates in the midst of my complete and utter psychotic meltdown. I’d blown just about every other relationship I had and she effectively kept me alive for a long time. She was raised with no real sense of religion and yet she talked me into trying a new kind of “come as you are church”. When My Fave and I had the same sort of instant connection almost 10 months, I knew exactly what it was; I’d lived it before and it had never once, let me down. We were married by a pastor from that church, which had grown in a mega-church. I’m not sure how we’d never connected the dots until a moment in our required premarital classes, but it was then we discovered that when “K” was dragging me into that church weekly, where I basically just cried for an hour certain I was way too broken to be loved in any capacity, My Fave was also sitting under the same roof, trying to figure the whole Jesus thing out, too. I make regular “jokes” about Jesus being a show-off sometimes – it’s no joke; He really can do whatever He wants.
I wrote a post last night about change and feeling like I didn’t have time to undo the million ways I have messed up our kids. My “younger me” still has quite the ability to land some solid blows when she sees the opportunity in front of her an questioning my ability as a mama is always ripe for her attacks. What she hasn’t quite yet learned is that there are some amazing women around me that tell her she needs to “zip it and take her seat in the back”. My morning began with a much needed reminder about being a masterpiece of the greatest Artist of all time and was immediately followed by seeing a notification to approve a comment on last night’s blog post. It was from a teacher of one of my kids; her “your kid is awesome” and “there is a group of boys who refer to you as their 2nd mom” was a super encouraging way to start the day. It was followed by a dear friend who I don’t get to see nearly enough. She shared a song that won Kacey Musgraves a Grammy last night. “Rainbow” is one of those songs that makes you feel like someone has been listening in on every conversation you’ve every had and knows every thought that’s ever passed through your mind – even the ones you have never so much as muttered out loud. As I write this, I got a text from a friend who has been through it with one of her kiddos and wanted me to know that I am a sign of hope that he can come out on the other side of his “ick”. I’ve been a lot of things in life – “hope” is not what I would consider to be in the Top 20 but what a gift. I feel a bit like a continuous “hot mess” that needs an equally continuous reminder that, “No, in fact, you don’t have the kind of power required to blow up the life you have been given to a point that you are broken beyond repair.”
You don’t have that kind of power either. I don’t care what the lies or people or whatever that say otherwise cause you to believe. It’s simply not true. Period. No matter how much of a broken mess we see when we look in the mirror, the truth is that the only person able to give us even an ounce of the kind of power needed to believe we can mess up our lives that badly made us in His image. Our “mess” is a “message” to someone else! And if you think I am saying that for you, I’m sorry to disappoint you; those are words I need to say to myself daily – sometimes multiple times a day; that they might be words someone else needs is a bonus. I’ve spent most of my life trying to find my voice and some sense of power but the power to declare I’m broken beyond repair is one I will gladly work to relinquish. Anyone want to join me? ♥